"Fart your guts out" joke
A red neck couple was having some marital problems. The problem was the old man farted all the time. The old woman said " Honey if you keep on breaking wind like the you are going to blow your guts out"
The old man didn't listen and kept on breaking wind. Well on one thanksgiving morning the old woman was fixing a turkey when she got a hold of an idea. She took the guts out of the turkey and placed them behind her old man while he lay asleep and snuck on back to the kitchen and finished the turkey.
All of a sudden she heard her old man let out a blood curdling scream. She knew why he was screaming so she got a hold of her self and walked to the bed room to check out her old man. When she did she was surprised, because he was standing up against the wall sweating and panting. She asked him" Honey what is all commotion"
He said " Honey you was right, you said that if I keep on breaking wind. I would blow out my guts and this morning I did. "
So the old woman ask " so what happen"
The old man said "thanks to God and these to fingers I got them back in! "
A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist,' I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find' em?'
The pharmacist replied,' Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle more...