"Ethnic Goldmine!" joke
There is a big controversy these days concerning when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered a viable human being until after graduation from medical or law school.
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less drunk!
Q: Why are there so many Italian men in New York named Tony?
A: When they came over to this country, they had "To NY" stamped on their foreheads.
A Russian, a Saudi, a North Korean and an American are walking down the street. A pollster stops them and asks, "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi replies, "Excuse me, what's a 'shortage'?" The Russian replies, "Excuse me, what's meat?" The North Korean replies, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?" Finally, the American replies, "What's 'Excuse me?'"
Q: What do New Zealanders call a sheep in their back yard?
A: A ride on lawn-mower.
Why the British are superior to Americans:
1. They speak English.
2. When they host a world championship, they invite other countries.
3. Visitors to the head of state are only expected to go down on one knee.
One day, a Newfoundlander was rowing his boat back home after catching some fish singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". Meanwhile, some aliens decided to test his intelligence.
They took out 1/4 of his brain and still he sang, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". They took out another 1/4 of his brain, and still he sang "Row, Row, Row Your Boat".
They finally took all of his brains out. The Newfoundlander shook a bit, then started singing "Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques..."
HEAVEN Vs. HELL Heaven: An American salary. A British home. Chinese food. A Japanese wife. Hell: A Chinese salary. A Japanese home. British food. An American wife.
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped down his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry native Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll whip your butt!"
Short summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews know everything before we do?
The CIA chief says, "It's simple. The Jews have an expression, Nu, Vus Tutzuch (English translation: What's Happening). They just ask each other and that's how more...
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody more...
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.
Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.
The blind man ran his more...
Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold more...
Sadie tells Maurice, "You’re a schmuck! You always were a schmuck and you always will be a schmuck! You look, act and dress like a schmuck! You’ll be a schmuck until the day you die! And if they ran a world-wide competition for schmucks, you would be more...