"Don't Touch Me!" joke
An Irishman, with quite a pronounced limp, sits down at a bar and orders a whiskey. As he looks down at the end of the bar, he sees someone who resembles Jesus, so he asks the bartender, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender confirms that it is, so the Irishman tells him to give Jesus a whiskey, too.
Next, a hunchbacked Italian enters the bar and orders a glass of wine. When he sees Jesus sitting down at the end of the bar, he asks the bartender to give a glass of wine to the son of God, too.
Finally, a redneck swaggers in, dragging his knuckles on the floor, and hollers, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's boy down there?" The bartender nods and the redneck tells him to give Jesus a cold one, too.
As Jesus gets up to leave, he walks over to the Irishman, touches him, and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" Feeling the strength return to his legs, the Irishman gets up and dances a jig out the door.
Jesus then touches the Italian, and says, "For all your kindness, you too are healed!" Feeling his back straighten, the Italian raises his hands above his head and does a flip out the door.
As Jesus is walking towards the redneck, the redneck jumps up and screams, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"
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