"Don't Despair" joke
While sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Abigail opened a letter from home and found a $10 bill inside. As she was reading the letter she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below.
She quickly wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Abigail" on a piece of paper, wrapped it around the $10 bill and dropped it out the window.
The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The following day, Sister Abigail was told that a man was at the door insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without saying a word, he handed her a roll of bills.
Puzzled, she asked, "What's this?"
"That's the 60 bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid five to one!"
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.