"Difference in soccer players" joke

Difference between soccer players can be seen in a cornerkick rebound:chelsea player-force the shot,barcelona player-dribble past two players and take the shot,manchester united player-fake the shot and pass to a better positioned player,arsenal player-fake the shot and dribble past two players then pass to your own goalkeeper...

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.

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Twas the week before Christmas,
I was feeding a mouse,
fattening it up,
for our cats in the house.
The wife's stockings hung
on the shower with care,
The drain is clogged.
Probably big globs of hair.
The children were playing,
jumping more...

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A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist more...

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Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that made them claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf was a well traveled trail more...

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There were 3 men. An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman. They all had a daughter. The Englishman said "I found a bottle of vodka in my daughters room, I didn't even know she drank!"

"That's nothing" said the Scotsman "I found a pack of cigs in more...

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