"Competing For The Smallest" joke
There were three midgets, and all three wanted to be in the Guiness Book of World Records for having the smallest of something... The first midget wanted to have the smallest hands, the second the smallest feet, and the third (you guessed it) wanted to have the smallest dick.
They went to get themselves measured, and the first little midget came out all happy because he had the smallest hands. The second midget came out all happy because he had the smallest feet... but the third little midget came out all pissed off and said, "Who the fuck is Osama bin Laden?"
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
Your mamas so fat it takes a train and two busses just to get on her good side
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!