"Cocky Gunslinger" joke
It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you."The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol from his right holster and without aiming shot the cuff link off of the piano player's right sleeve.Wyatt said, "That's good shooting son, but can you shoot with your left hand?"Before Earp could even finish, the boy had already drawn the pistol from his left holster and shot the cuff link off of the piano player's left shirt sleeve. Very proud of himself the young man blew the smoke away from his six shooter and holstered his gun. "How was that?" the boy asked.Wyatt smiled and looked up and the boy and said, "That was pretty good shooting son. I couldn't do better than that myself, but I do have one good tip for you.""What's that?" the boy asked."I suggest that you go to the kitchen and ask the cook for a large can of lard. Then take both guns of yours and stick them down deep into the lard."Puzzled the young gunslinger asked why he should do that.Earp put his cards down again, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Well son, when Doc Holliday gets done playing the piano over there, he's going to take those two guns of yours and... "The boy didn't wait for the rest of the answer.
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.
There were 10 blondes and 1 brunette hanging on a rope in the mountains. the rope was very weak and the brunette said someone had to let go. no one volunteered, until the brunette finally said she would let go, and gave a heart-felt speech. hearing this the blondes started more...
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then more...