"Chuck Norris jokes" joke

by
axel92

1. They once had a street called Chuck Norris Ave., but they had to change the name because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
2. Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
3. Once, Chuck Norris lost a testicle while engaged in epic battle with Wolverine. It is more well known today as the planet Jupiter. (Chuck Norris won btw)
4. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and incredible strength. Chuck Norris then proceeded to roundhouse kick the devil in the face and take his soul back. The devil, realizing the irony in this, admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play cards every Wednesday.
5. Chuck Norris got a perfect 1600 on his SAT by putting "violence" as the answer to every question. Chuck Norris solves all his problems with violence.
6. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he is showing you how many seconds you have left to live.
7. Once Chuck Norris saw a news report about a guy who was executed for treason. This pissed him off because Chuck embodies everything American. Chuck promptly killed himself, went down to hell and proceeded to tear the guys face off, and tie it around his waist to use as a loincloth. He then resurrected himself and went to lunch, paying with exact change.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.

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A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.
"I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.
"My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I more...

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

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You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

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