"Capitalist Hell vs Communist Hell" joke

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was
told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to
Communist Hell.
Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to
Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored.
"What's it like in there?" asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "In
Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a
rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small
pieces with sharp knives."
"That's terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I'm going to check out Communist
Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line
of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven
times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through
to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people
in. Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.
"In Communist Hell," said Marx impatiently, "they flay you alive, boil
you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver,
and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"But... but that's the same as Capitalist Hell!" protested Dave.
"True," sighed Marx, "but sometimes we don't have oil, sometimes we
don't have knives..."
Henry Cate III

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Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
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- My name is Eve, daddy...

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A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

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Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
The old brahmin answered "Haan! more...

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