"Asses" joke

Over near England is a very little island, called the Isle of Man, and a very peculiar thing about the people, on this island is, that they don't believe in automobiles, and the climate is such that they can't keep horses so they all have a donkey or what is commonly called an ass.
Some have just ordinary asses that you wouldn't look at twice, others have extraordinary asses. The mayor has an ass that nobody looks at twice, but his wife has a beautiful ass.
People who really know asses say that she has one of the finest asses that they have ever seen. Men often stop her on the way to the market to pat her ass.
On Sunday they all go to church on their asses. Sometimes the girls ride the boys asses and sometimes the boys ride the girls asses.
Now of this particular Sunday the preacher had to leave immediately following the sermon so he thought he better have it handy, so he tied his ass just outside the window.
During the service a fire broke our and everyone ran to save his ass. The preacher jumped out of the window expecting to land on his ass, but there was a big hole and he fell into it...
Which goes to show that even a preacher doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
- You are a very good girl, what's your name?
- My name is Eve, daddy...

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Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
The old brahmin answered "Haan! more...

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Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

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