"A Collection of Stupid Warnings" joke

Hot 5 years ago

Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower:
Do not point blower in direction of people or pets.
(Wild animals are presumably okay?)
Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement:
Exposure may result in confusion.
(Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused)
Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets:
Harmful if swallowed.
(I know a kid who can put a whole orange in his mouth- but that's beside the point)
Sunbeam Simple Press Iron:
To prevent burn injury, keep hand away from heated area.
(I had no idea intense heat could BURN you! Go figure!)
Hungry Jack Lite Syrup:
Caution: Syrup bottle may be hot.
(After lengthy instructions on how to heat the bottle.)
50 Water Balloons:
This bag is not a toy.
(Yes indeed, it's the real thing!)
9 Piece Super Bouncers Bouncing Balls:
This toy is a small ball.
(Apparently that's a bad thing.)
Tagamet HB2000:
Do not take if you are allergic to Tagamet HB2000 or other acid reducers.
(You would think the name is enough of a hint not to take Tagamet if you're allergic to Tagamet.)
Gold Dial Soap:
Use Gold Dial Soap as you would use ordinary soap.
(What would happen if you used as EXTRAordinary soap?)
Bath & Body Works Moisture Rich Body Lotion:
Caution: This is not a toy.
(I suppose some people think that moisture rich lotion is a toy. Maybe in California.)
Mr. Bubbles Body Wash for Kids of All Ages:
Caution: Keep out of reach of young children.
(I don't even know what to say to this.)
Diflucan 150 mg tablet for yeast infection:
If overdose is suspected, contact your local poison control center or emergency room immediately.
(It comes in a container with one tablet in it.)
Wal-Mart Sheriff Gun Set:
Never point or shoot a gun at anyone.
(Some would say it is also important to be able to discern between a toy and the real thing.)
Pampers Bibsters:
Choking may result from anything babies put in their mouths.
(Obviously, a safe baby is a starved baby.)
All of these warnings and witty remarks were found in "Wearing Of This Garment Does Not Enable You To Fly," by Jeff Koon and Andy Powell.

The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one dayand started to apply some 'Aftershave Lotion' around hisears when the customer yelled, "Don't put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!"Another customer who was waiting replied, more...

Jim had a date with a really, hot blonde and in preparation for it, he went on the rooftop of his apartment building to get a tan. Not wanting to have any tan lines, he decided to sunbathe in the nude. Unfortunately, Jim fell asleep. When he finally woke up, he was sunburned more...

The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one dayand started to apply some' Aftershave Lotion' around hisears when the customer yelled, "Don't put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!"Another customer who was waiting replied, more...

There was a man who woke up one morning with a red ring around his member. Astonished he panicked and hurried to the emergency room.
The Doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a day, if no results come back tomorrow. This went on for three days more...

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