Funny Jokes

A Leopard and his Spots

Hot 2 months ago

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam. "Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."

"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient. "My wife is a zebra."

A young lad is caught stealing soap from the local soap factory. When the case comes to court the judge decides to make an example of him to discourage other youths from a life of crime.
Judge: "Well, what have you to say in your defense?"
Boy: "Only that I'm sorry your honor."
Judge: "Hrmph. I sentence you to 10 years hard labor, starting immediately."
Boy: "But sir, it was only a few bars of cheap soap!"
Judge: "Consider yourself lucky! - It could have been life boy."

Jesus

Hot 2 months ago

A burgler walked into a quiet little house at the end of a road.
He was stealing diamonds when he hears
"Jesus is watching you"
The guy freaks and turns around, seeing nothing he goes back to stealing diamonds.
And again he hears
"Jesus is watching you"
He turns around again and this time sees a parrot in a corner cage saying
"Jesus is watching you"
The guy gets all embarrassed about freaking out over a little parrot and says
"who do you think you are"
the bird replies
"Moses"
"What kind of idiot names their bird Moses"
"The same idiot who named their pitbull Jesus"

It's dark in here

Hot 2 months ago

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little more...

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean." The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captains next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side." After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captains request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open you r emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of more...

Sardar and Hidden Camera

Hot 2 months ago

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: “What are you searching for? ”
Santa: “Hidden camera! ”
Jasmeet: “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here? ”
Santa: “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that? ”

Beauty of Mathematics

Hot 2 months ago

Beauty of Mathematics
have you ever noticed that;

1 x 8 1 = 9
12 x 8 2 = 98
123 x 8 3 = 987
1234 x 8 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 9 = 987654321

now look at this;

1 x 9 2 = 11
12 x 9 3 = 111
123 x 9 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 10= 1111111111

and this one;

9 x 9 7 = 88
98 x 9 6 = 888
987 x 9 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 0 = 888888888

it was interesting, wasn't it?