Funny Jokes

Arnold's Search Engine

Hot 2 weeks ago

Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?
Alta Vista baby.

Survival Lesson

Hot 2 weeks ago

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the
desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one
little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout
Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent
dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, you can be sure someone is bound to come up
behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top more...

Solitaire !!

Hot 2 weeks ago

A army trainer was teaching his recruits about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then Santa in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Santa, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?"
Santa replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Santa ?"
"Well," answered Santa, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked trainer impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

Do steam rollers

Hot 2 weeks ago

Do steam rollers really roll steam?

Stew

Hot 2 weeks ago

Knock-knock
Who's there?
Stew
Stew who?
Stew cold out here, let me in!

What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows!

LONDON - A baffled

Hot 3 weeks ago

LONDON - A baffled British woman who lost a mobile phone dialed
the number and heard it ringing inside her friend's dog.
Rachel Murray, 27, had left the cellphone under her Christmas tree as a
surprise gift for her flatmate, The Sun newspaper reported on Friday.
But chum Tony Dangerfield's bloodhound Charlie crept into the room and
greedily wolfed down the mobile phone, leaving only a pile of torn paper.
After a frantic search for the phone, Murray obtained the number from the
telephone company, dialed and heard muffled ringing from sleeping Charlie's
stomach.
"At first I thought Charlie was lying on the phone - then I realized where
it was," she said. "I couldn't believe he'd swallowed it."
The dog was rushed to a vet, who advised Murray and Dangerfield to let
nature take its course.
Twenty four hours later the phone duly emerged - in perfect working order.