cry Jokes / Recent Jokes
This just breaks my heart... please pass it on so
more can help this unfortunate child...
> Dear Friend:
> I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing
> this for me, because I can't. She is crying.
> Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says
> it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault,
> but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder,
> so I don't ask her that anymore.
> The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was
> born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go
> to sleep.
> The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a
> burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that
> was the best they could do on account of us having no
> money or insurance. I would like to have a body
> transplant, but we need more money.
> Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't
> hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and more...
Erap, Joe De V and Fred Lim are soliciting campaign funds from the Sultan of Brunei. The Sultan has a very intelligent horse, who understands English but is lame. Sultan says he will donate a million dollars to the candidate who can make the horse laugh, cry and run. Joe says, "Me first." (as he is wont to do). He puts his face in front of the horse, and starts wiggling his huge ears. The horse enjoys the breeze, but does not laugh. Joe takes out money and waives it in front of the horse while making sad, crying sounds. The horse ignores the money, and refuses to cry. Joe then slaps the horse's behind, and starts shouting "Heyaah". The horse ignores him and refuses to run. (The fact that the horse speaks English was totally lost on Joe, who is not very bright). Lim comes up next. He looks at the horse and says, "Kapag' di ka tumawa, papatayin kita". Horse no laugh. He walks over to the other side and says, "Kapag' di ka umiyak, papa-salvage more...
>> Freddie Bloor
>> --------------
>>
>> Now this is the tale of young Freddie Bloor,
>> whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door.
>> By the time they freed him he didn't feel well
>> for his private parts were mangled to hell.
>>
>> They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew
>> but when they arrived there was nowt they could do.
>> What a sad blow for Fred, condemned without choice,
>> to a life with no sex and a high squeaky voice.
>>
>> But lucky for Fred, so he wouldn't feel a fool
>> some bright spark suggested a bionic tool.
>> A bright new electric one made out of brass,
>> though the batteries would have to be kept up his arse.
>>
>> So newly equipped and after a rest,
>> Fred thought he would put his new tool to the test.
>> So finding a woman, the nearest one handy,
>> he piled her with drink and made her feel randy.
>>
>> The girl without waiting, put more...
One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night". So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night. The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night. So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry. The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".
To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why, Daddy's home and I think he's drunk. He's walkin' real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don't even think he's shaved in two weeks, Daddy's home and boy is he drunk, He spent most of our money on Johnny Walker Black And then he took all of the rest and lost it at the track. Sooooooo.... You better not pout, you better not cry, I don't like that look in his eye, Daddy's home and I think he's.... Daddy's home and boy is he....... Daddy's home and he's really drunk!
50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy... 1. Do not say what you mean. Ever. 2. Be ambiguous. Always. 3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault. 4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago. 5. Make them apologize for everything. 6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them. 7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks. 8. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them Smile. 9. Look them in the eye and start laughing. 10. Cry. 11. Get mad at them for everything. 12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm. 13. Hold grudges. 14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply. 15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value. 16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess." 17. Be late for everything. Yell if more...