Yuppie Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Shepherd...

    Hot 3 years ago

    A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
    The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure!"
    The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "You have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
    "This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the more...

    Yuppie pregnant women don't go into labor, they go straight into management.

    How To Become A Redneck

    Hot 4 years ago

    Become a Redneck in 25 Easy Steps: A Manual for Yuppies
    Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
    Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
    Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified image, just hollerin' to get out?
    Well, now you can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
    Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That is all you will need to start!
    Now follow the 25 easy guidelines in our manual!
    Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
    1) We assume you are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is also assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching more...

    Office Talk

    Hot 4 years ago

    BLAMESTORMING: Sitting in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
    SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, criticizes on everything, and then leaves.
    CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
    CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
    IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always have their idea generators running.
    MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
    PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
    SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
    SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
    STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce more...

    A Yuppie received a ransom note stating that if he ever hoped to see his wife alive again, he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 the next morning.
    The next day, he didn't arrive until almost 12:30. Jumping out from behind some bushes, a masked man yelled at him, "What took you so long? You're over two hours late."
    "Give me a break, would you!" whined the Yuppie. "I do have a 27 handicap!"

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