Yule Jokes

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    Christmas Groaners 2

    Hot 3 weeks ago

    The remaining local ranchers headed by the cattle baroness Clare D Looney
    eventually monopolized the stock business to the point where the only
    competition( two Chinese immigrants - Lu Chim and Wu Ni) were forced to take
    drastic, but traditional action.
    The stock kings were hung by Chim & Ni, with Clare.

    Those modified sisters maintained strange yearnings from their previous selves
    and devised a plan to satisfy their impulses. On Christmas eve they planned to
    get Santa stuck in the chimney with his tender parts exposed in the fireplace.
    Why?
    In hope that St Nick soon would be theirs.
    Both by Gary Reeves
    =-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to
    check out Verdi good bargains and can still get gifts Faure good price, not
    have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you
    don't want.
    By Marsha in more...

    Boeing's angling for yule order
    Jean Godden - Times Staff Columnist
    Here's an offer that Santa Clause may not be able to resist. Engineers at Boeing have done some figuring and they are convinced the Boeing 757 would make the perfect sleigh for Santa. (That, of course, assumes that Santa is ready to trade in the old buggy.)
    Here are some stats:
    The 757 can seat Santa and 185 of his elves.
    The 757's lower cargo hold has space for 5,370 twelve-inch gift-boxed teddy bears.
    The 757 can fly the 3,416 miles from the North Pole to Seattle with just one stop. (It does 2,500 miles without refueling.)
    The 757, powered by two jet engines, can fly as fast as 500 mph. Reindeer are optional equipment.
    The 757 can operate in the North Pole climate. It has been certified for temperatures as low as minus 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
    The 757 has an autoland system that will allow Santa to land in weather conditions with near-zero visibility. (Rudolph, cry your eyes more...

    Knock, knock.
    Who's There?
    Yule.
    Yule who?
    Yule never know until you open the door!

    Knock Knock!
    Who's there?
    Yule.
    Yule who?
    Yule never know!

    What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
    Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..!
    Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
    They both drop their needles!
    What's Christmas called in England?
    Yule Britannia!
    What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
    Thanks, I'll never part with it!
    Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
    Beacause a little water ends both of them!
    What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
    A pineapple!
    What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
    Platform shoes!
    What did the big candle say to the little candle?
    I'm going out tonight!
    Whats happens to you at Christmas?
    Yule be happy!
    How long does it take to burn a candle down?
    About a wick!

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