Yoda Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

    OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

    By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

    HUM: The Village People Meets Star Wars (***)
    Y.O.D.A (To the Village People's "Y.M.C.A")
    (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).
    YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
    YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said
    YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
    *MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
    YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am
    WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you
    GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
    *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
    He's 900 years old!
    He's so strong in the Force!
    Do your Jedi Diploma course!
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
    You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
    Come and get yourself clean!
    Come and have a good meal!
    Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!
    YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
    SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
    TIN CAN started more...

    I first saw "The Empire Strikes Back" as a child and thought, "Yoda is eight hundred years old...what a Jedi!" Now that I am an adult, I can't help thinking, "Eight hundred years...his 401K must be incredible."

    Yo Mama so old...
    She left her purse on Noah's Ark.
    Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
    When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
    She still owes Moses a dollar.
    When she was at school... there was No history class!
    She uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
    She's got the first autographed Koran.
    She co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
    When I asked for Her ID yo mama handed me a rock
    She even made Yoda jealous.
    She recalls When the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
    The fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
    When She gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
    She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
    Her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
    Her birthday expired.
    When Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo mama fishing on the other side!
    She got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
    Her social security number is 000-000-001
    She's got more...

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Yoda!
    Yoda who?
    Yoda le lee whoo!

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