Yank Jokes

An Aussie, a Yank, and a Texan were telling tall tales.
"In Australia," the Aussie said, "we have sheep that are so big they take all day to be shorn."
"That's nothing," the Yank said. "Our cattle are so big the steaks have to be turned with a forklift."
"That's nothing. In Texas, we have women with pussies this big," the Texan said, stretching his hands as wide as they'd go.
"Then, how do you screw them?" asked the Yank.
"They stretch," replied the Texan.

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the more...

American, an Australian and an irishman standing outside the Recruitment office waiting for their medicals.
the yank goes in, half hour later comes out grinning from ear to ear.."they dont want me..... medically unfit... classification FF, i cant march, FLAT FEET!!!
the australian goes in next, 1 hour later comes out grinning as well.."they dont want me.. medically unfit..... classification FA, i cant march, FALLEN ARCHES!!!
So now its Paddy's turn. One hour goes by, then 2 hrs, then 3. "oh shit, looks like Paddy has had it!!!" says the Aussie. Just then Paddy comes out, grinning the biggest grin you have ever seen.
Were you rejected you too, they shout! ! Hooray.
paddy replies, " yes, didnt want me.. medically unfit.... classification FC.
"FC"??? asks the yank, whats that? ?
Paddy replies proudly, yep. ... medically unfit. classification FC...... i cant march!!....... FUCKING CANCER!!!!

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a
blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato."C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!""No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde."No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket more...

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the more...