Wish Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three men, a Scotsman, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were given a sentence of life inprisonment for manslauter in Saudi Arabia. When they got to the trial the judge said, "It is my daughter's birthday, so you will only be lashed 100 times."
They went to the whipman and he said, "Today is my birthday, you may all have a wish"
The Frenchman, who went firstm said, "I would like a pillow strapped to my back. "He got 33 painless lashes until the pillow broke. He then got hit 77 times on his back.
The Scotsman asked for two pillows. He got 66 painless lashes until the pillows broke. Then got 34 whips on his back.
The whipman said to the englishman, "England is a noble country, therefore you may have two wishes. The Englishman said,"Thank you, my first wish is to increase my number of whippings to the maximum 1000. My second wish is to have the frenchman strapped to my back."
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I
will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking
vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka
whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home
he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he
smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and
it is the best vodka
that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes
another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
tells her to drink, that it more...
A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and POOF-the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and POOF - the husband was 90.
God created the donkey & said to him: " You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey. " The donkey answered: " I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish. God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog. " You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: " Sir, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him: " You will be a monkey. " You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey. " The monkey answered: " Sir, to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted more...
At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear:' My dad owns a liquor store.'
A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
I've wanted to run away from home more since I became a parent than when I was a child.