Winning Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.

    10. When filling out your driver's license application, you give your IP address.
    9. Rather than ask prospective dates what their sign is, your line is "What's your URL?"
    8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends an email.
    7. You're astounded to find out that spam is a food.
    6. You 'ping' people to find out if they're awake, 'finger' them to find out how they are, and 'AYT' them to make sure they're listening to you.
    5. You search the 'Net endlessly with the hopes of winning every silly free T-Shirt contest.
    4. You refer to your wife as 'my lady@home.wife' and to your children as 'client applications'.
    3. At social functions you introduce your husband as 'my domain server'.
    2. After winning the office super bowl pool, you shout out, "I feel so 'colon-right parentheses'!"
    1. Two simple words - "Pizza's here!"

    A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 mor cents pushed the button and another coke came out.
    She kept doing this untill a guy standing behind her said, " Excuse me, can I get my coke and then you can go back to what ever you are doing?"
    The blonde turns around and says, " Like duh not when I am winning! "

    Chances of a Man Winning an Argument:
    Dating: 50%
    Engagement: 25%
    Marriage Period: 0%, very rare

    DETROIT-With third-quarter salessluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motorsunveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulousprizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will comestandard in all of the company's 1997 cars. "Auto accidents have never been soexciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contestto boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Ora year's worth of free Mobil gasoline." Though it does not officially beginuntil Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, withfeedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, 'Oh, boy, this could be it-I could be a big winner!'" more...

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