Wine Jokes / Recent Jokes

New virus - WORK

Hot 5 years ago

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Alternate products include Bridge-Environoment-Eradication-Resolution (BEER) and Benign-Orderly-Overload-System-Enhancer (BOOSE). Administer the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted more...

A furniture dealer from Knoxville, Tennessee, decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip to the French capitol), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in Tennessee.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian woman came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture more...

Logical Facts of Life

Hot 5 years ago

A) The Japanese consume very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
B) On the other hand, the French consume a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
E) Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the
remainder the bartender's face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I
keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see
a psychoanalyst about his problem.
"I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both
been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come." The man wrote down the name of the
doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a
fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the
glass of more...

Wine knowledge

Hot 6 months ago

On his first date with a beautiful woman, Joe decided to impress her with his knowledge of wine. He told the wine steward to bring a bottle of 1985 Sterling Chabernet Sauvignon from the Carneros District.
Upon tasting the wine, Joe berated the steward, "No, no, this is a 1987 Vintage from the North Coast Vineyards near Calistoga. Please bring me what I ordered."
The second bottle of wine was poured, and once again Joe was annoyed, "No, no, this is 1985 all right, but it's from the Mount Helena vineyards!"
Watching the drama from the bar, an old drunk came up to the table and said, "Wow, that's an impressive ability. Can you tell me what's in my glass?"
Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to impress his date, Joe sipped at the drunk's glass.
"Christ, this tastes like piss!" he exclaimed and spat the mouthful out.
"That's exactly right," said the drunk. "Now tell me when and where I was born."

Magic Wine Glass

Hot 4 years ago

A blonde was walking down the road when she saw a beautiful looking lamp, so she picked it up. She rubbed it and a magic genie came out. "You may have any three objects in the world, oh mighty mistress," said the genie. The blonde replied, "I wish I had an endless glass of wine."
Suddenly a big, crystal glass filled with wine appeared in the blonde's hand. She drank it and to her surprise, it filled up again! "Wow! This wine is really nice, and it can't run out!" the blonde said. "In fact, it's so good, I'll have another two of these, please, genie!"

Water to Wine

Hot 4 years ago

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the minister's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the minister.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The minister looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"