In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?" Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Little Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Little Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"
Again Little Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out in shock."
There was this Christian lady who had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.
After a while he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man more...
A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, Willie says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"
Monica says, "Oh, I don't know..."
"Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!", says Willie.
Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue.
As they are swimming away, Willie says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"
To which Monica, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."