Whack Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A frog goes into a

    Hot 7 years ago

    A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Hello, Patricia Whack. I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
    Patti looks at this frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
    The frog says $30,000 and the teller asks him his name, and the frog says it's Kermit Jagger, he's the adopted pet of Mick Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
    Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and leaves the room. She finds the manager and says, "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out more...

    Years of Bad Sex

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.His eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?"""That's fer fifty years of bad sex," she said.He nodded his head, but said nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly the man stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit his wife across the shins.As soon as her eyes quit watering and she could speak she asked, "What was that fer?"That," said her husband as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the more...

    Philly Cops

    Hot 7 months ago

    Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"The cop answers, "You're in Philadelphia son.When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're more...

    Engineer:4.0000000 x 10^0
    Accountant:4, before taxes.
    Statistician:95% probability that it falls between 3.9 and 4.0 using student T distributions.
    Doctor:I will need to do more tests to be sure.
    Lawyer:How much do you want it to be?
    Math Prof.:f(x) = 4 u(x) where x>= 0
    Marketing:We believe that people prefer the number 3 to the number 4, so the answer WILL be 3!
    Computer sales:4, and it is backwards compatible with 3 and 1 too!
    Politician:We are funding a multimillion dollar research study to best determine how to procede...
    SAT writer:4, unless you do poorly in math (in which case you are correct).
    Car Sales:5. But tell you what, I like you, so I will knock it down to 4 (just don't tell my boss.)
    Posted to REC.HUMOR by Allen Kitchen

    1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
    2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
    3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
    4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
    5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
    6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
    7. Why does "fat chance" mean the same thing as "slim chance"?
    8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
    9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
    10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
    11. Why is it call "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
    12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
    13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
    14. Why do "overlook" more...

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