Wednesday Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bloopers in the church

    Hot 1 year ago

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

    11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on' It's a Terrible Experience'."

    12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

    13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

    14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

    15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

    16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

    17. "Today's Sermon:' How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."

    18. On a church bulletin during more...

    Church Bloopers

    Hot 1 year ago

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
    Evening massage - 6 p.m.
    The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
    The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
    Ushers will eat latecomers.
    The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
    The pastor will more...

    A 70 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up.
    The doctor told her she needed more activity & recommended sex three times a week.
    She said to the doctor, "Please, tell to my husband".
    The doctor goes out in the waiting room & tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a week.
    The 70 year old husband replies, " Which days ?"
    The doctor says, " How about Monday, Wednesday and Friday."
    The husband says, " I can bring her Monday & Wednesday, but on friday she'll have to take the bus.

    Reincarnation

    Hot 3 years ago

    Consider the story of the two octogenarians on a park bench. One asks the other: "Do you believe in reincarnation?"
    "Well, Joe," replies Harry, "I've never really thought much about it."
    "Maybe we ought to start thinking about it," says Joe. "One of us is going to go first. Let's agree that the one who is left behind will come to this park bench every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m., and the one who has departed will find a way of getting a message to him at that time about reincarnation and all those other things that are beyond our ken."
    Harry agrees.
    One month later, Joe dies peacefully in his sleep. Every week for several months, Harry takes up his station at the park bench at 11:00 a.m.
    Then one Wednesday, at the appointed hour, he hears a voice, as though from afar.
    "Harry, Harry, can you hear me?" the voice says. "It's Joe."
    "Joe, for heaven's sake, what is it more...

    More Darwin Awards!

    Hot 3 years ago

    THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
    Runners-up: [AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said.
    Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
    Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with its pad more...

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