Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
A wealthy and very well dressed financial consultant arrived at his office to fill out his report for the company he was working for. The dapper, extremely confident and very dignified gentleman left his Porsche with the parking attendant and entered wearing the building wearing his designer business suit. His shoes clicked along the polished floor as he headed for the elevator. He picked up the paperwork, and strutted into his well-furnished office, put down his fifteen hundred dollar briefcase and sat down at his desk. He stared at the questions for five minutes, and shook his head in disbelief. He looked again, and his shoulders dropped. "I know I have no choice, but this is an OUTRAGE!" he said out loud. Then with a sigh of embarrassment, he reached down, untied and pulled his feet out of his highly polished $800 Brooks Brothers cap toe dress shoes and then peeled off his black silk business socks as well. The now barefoot more...
Bob, an extremely wealthy 60-year-old, arrives at a country club with a beautiful and charming 25-year-old blonde.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob exclaims, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
His friends are shocked, but continue to ask, "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob replies, "I lied about my age."
His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 40?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills...making the last car payment.
A meshulach comes knocking on a very wealthy person's door and when the owner of the house answers, the meshulach greets him, "Sholom Aleichem, Mr. Goldstein. I'm collecting for the Lotsa Gelt Yeshivah, and I'm wondering if a nice wealthy Jewish person like yourself wouldn't want to make a little contribution."
The homeowner replies, "The name is Gold, not Goldstein, and I am not Jewish."
"Are you sure?", asks the Meshulach.
"Sir, I'm positive", replies the homeowner.
"But", says the meshulach, "It says here that you're Jewish, and my records are never wrong."
"I can assure you that I am certainly not Jewish", replies the homeowner, getting more impatient.
"Look sir, I know that my records are never wrong. You must be kidding me. Are you sure you aren't Jewish?" demands the Meshulach.
"For the last time sir, I am not Jewish, my father is not Jewish, and my grandfather, alav more...