A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor.Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that? s right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you more...
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
Just before Rosh Hashana, a team of terrorists invades the shul and takes
the rabbi, the cantor and the shul president hostage. Hours later, the
governor stands tough, he won't give them a million dollars, nor a getaway
car nor a Jumbo Jet.
The terrorists gather the three hostages in a corner and inform them that
things look bad and they're going to have to shoot them. Nevertheless, to
show that they're not really a bad bunch, they'll grant each hostage one
"Please," says the rabbi, "for the last two months I've been working on my
Rosh Hashana Sermon. What a waste to die now without having carried it
before an audience. I'll go happilly if you let me recite my sermon. It's
an hour - ninety minutes long, tops."
They promise to grant him the wish.
"Please," says the cantor, "after 50 years I've finally gotten the
'Hinneni' prayer just right. What a waste to die and not sing it to more...
You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area...
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.
If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here -
Your asshole is in Washington!
* Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
* Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
* Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?"
* Rest stop off Route 81, W. VA.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
* The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick more...
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash.
He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he more...