Wash Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?:
You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the
Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes
that the Electronics Came In

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When
You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. more...

How does a Gulti commute office 40 miles away? He walks all the way because he wants to get a good resale value for his car. Why does a Gulti wish for rain? Because he gets a free car wash. How does a Gulti wash clean his cloth and carpet? He stuffs both together into washing machine to save few pennies. Why does computer books in book stores get a Gulti smell? Because those books were returned by a gulti after 30 days free trial.

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch
your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower).
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor more...

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry more...

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. -

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR. .. You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.

Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

SO. .. I walk to the liquor store (exercise),

I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate more...

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two engineers, he said, `At Wipro, we are trained to be extremely thorough.`
The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turned and said, `At TCS, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient.`
The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, `At INFY we don`t pee on our hands.`

1.) Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
2.) A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
3.) Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
4.) For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
5.) Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
6.) Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
7.) Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
8.) Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
9.) We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
10.) Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
11.) Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
12.) Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or more...