Vulgar Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The abbey in England that was a bit down at the heels and decided to open a roadside stand to pull in some tourist money.
    The abbot decided that something typically English was called for, so he sent Brother Sebastian and Brother Thomas down to the road to open a Fish and Chips stand.
    A wit came by and asked Brother Sebastian, "Are you the fish friar?"
    "No, friend," answered Brother Sebastian, "I'm the chip monk."
    Slightly Vulgar
    While on a special outing to take care of the abbey's business, Brother Sebastian found himself one day in his car, down in the ditch, and there was no help for the motor that had given up the ghost, it seemed.
    Along came another motorist who stopped and asked, "I say, what seems to be the matter?"
    "Oh, piston broke," said the friar.
    "So am I, but w'at's the matter with the cah?"

    ONE DAY A MAN DECIDED HE NEEDED TO HIRE SOMEONE TO WATCH HIS WIFE, WHO HE BELIEVED WAS CHEATING ON HIM. SO, HE HIRED THREE 14 YEAR OLD BOYS TO DO THE JOB. AFTER ONLY 2 DAYS, HE WAS SURE HE HAD WHAT HE NEEDED TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. THEY SAT IN THE COURT ROOM AND THE FIRST TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED, SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING
    ANGERED THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! GET OUT!
    THE SECOND TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? TO WHICH THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING TOO
    AGAIN THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! NOW GET OUT!!
    A BIT NERVOUS THE THIRD TEEN TOOK THE STAND. SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? ASKED THE JUDGE ON THE EDGE OF HIS SEAT A BIT ANNOYED. THE BOY TOOK A DEEP BREATH AND REPLIED,
    I SAW PANTS DROPPING TO THE KNEES,
    BALLS SWAYING IN THE BREEZE, DICK GOING IN AND OUT. I CALL THAT FUCKING, YOU GONNA KICK ME OUT?

    The Groaner
    The abbey in England that was a bit down at the heels and decided to open a roadside stand to pull in some tourist money.
    The abbot decided that something typically English was called for, so he sent Brother Sebastian and Brother Thomas down to the road to open a Fish and Chips stand.
    A wit came by and asked Brother Sebastian, "Are you the fish friar?"
    "No, friend," answered Brother Sebastian, "I'm the chip monk."
    Slightly Vulgar
    While on a special outing to take care of the abbey's business, Brother Sebastian found himself one day in his car, down in the ditch, and there was no help for the motor that had given up the ghost, it seemed.
    Along came another motorist who stopped and asked, "I say, what seems to be the matter?"
    "Oh, piston broke," said the friar.
    "So am I, but w'at's the matter with the cah?"

    A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore." "Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank." "Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says. "Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it." The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars." The manager looks at the check and then more...

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