Volume Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you
    are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. more...

    ' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Dead bugs on more...

    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews, and are normally accompanied by a response from the maintenance worker.
    (Don't let these scare you about air travel any more than any other tidbits you hear in the news.)
    From the "squawk sheets":
    Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
    Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
    Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
    Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
    Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
    Solution #2: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
    Problem #2: "#1,#3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
    Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
    Solution: "IT DOES NOW"
    Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
    Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit"
    Problem: more...

    A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
    He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
    First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look more...

    A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we more...

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