Vodka Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Russian Genie

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
    bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes
    a genie.
    The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I
    will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
    The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking
    vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka
    whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
    The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home
    he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
    looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he
    smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and
    it is the best vodka
    that he has ever tasted.
    The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come
    quickly."
    She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes
    another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He
    tells her to drink, that it more...

    A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she more...

    DOUBLE VODKA

    Hot 6 years ago

    DOUBLE VODKA A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."

    The Homily

    Hot 6 years ago

    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

    So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

    Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1. Sip the Vodka don't gulp.

    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

    3. There are 12 disciples,not 10.

    4. Jesus was consecrated,not constipated.

    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

    8. David slew more...

    A Lawyer

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.

    The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle thru it. All the others are quite impressed.

    The Cuban takes out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.

    At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer more...

  • Recent Activity