Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no." Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You get a more...
Via AP news
A student was arrested for uploading a video on YouTube about how to make a remote control bomb using a toy remote.
Ironically, my family had to talk me out of making a remote controlled bomb for my 8th grade science fair. I was disgruntled from my 7th grade science fair where I made a “Light Sensory Burglar Alarm System” that wasn’t even considered for a prize. Meanwhile, my friend's “Simpson Quiz Game” (which I had to help him with) got 2nd place. When I asked my science professor what he thought of my project he said, “Very good… did your dad help you with that?” I wanted to punch him in the face.
Admittedly, my bomb wouldn’t have hurt anyone.. you press the button.. a little smoke comes out.. then a sign pops up that says, “No, my dad did not help me with this.”
It was then that I decided to give up on the education system and just tell jokes… true story.
Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow.
Department of Unusual Marketing: Johnson & Johnson has a continuing contract with a number of Web sites devoted to the stock market. When the stock market falls by at least 100 points, banner ads for the company's headache remedies appear on the sites.
News Releases I Never Got Around to Finishing: "The recent U.S. presidential election left a number of people wondering if their vote really counts. But with GetMusic's new music video voting tool, Hot or Not, every vote matters. Launching today on GetMusic.com (www.get-music.com)... "
Job Title of the Month: A Build-A-Bear Workshop is a retail chain that allows customers to design their very own stuffed bear. Maxine Clark is Chief Executive Bear.
And speaking of animals, The You're Probably Not Surprised Award to rapper Snoop Dogg's new venture, a porn video called Doggystyle. While the Dogg performs in the video, he keeps his clothes on.
Our Say What? more...
The technician who signs out your camera can't stop laughing
Your cold makes your voice sound like Jerry Lewis
"The friggin thing's warped"
The second after your batteries stop charging, they're completely dead
Your B-roll has poppy seeds [bah-dum]
Everyone you interview insists on speaking in pig-latin
Your editing room is titled "Hell"
The footage is 32 hours of feet
Title: Mailboxes, Big and Small
We had a video project due?!
[I'm perfectly willing to explain anything you found confusing. I tried to stay away from techie terms, but I do write these lists for my *own* amusement... :)]
1. You yell and scream for help, and when it comes you ask for the remote.
2. It is a workout to play high intensity video games.
3. You decide to be a republican because you bought a truck with a republican sticker on it.
4. You sell your step-brother's stuff on e-bay for video game money.
5. You've hired someone to laugh at these jokes for you.
6. You shop online even though it's more expensive because you don't want to leave your house.
7. You died of a preventable illness because going to the doctor would take actual work.
8. You've hired someone to sleep with your wife because it's to "hard".
9. You have the sofa in the back of the Guiness 2000 book.
10. You, your wife, and kids all live with your mom.