Venom Jokes / Recent Jokes

About 7 am on August 25th 1998, thirty-six year old Mrs Sarah Jenson started her period. By the time she arrived at work an hour later, she had started to experience a chronic itching sensation in her crotch.

Sarah worked as an advisor in a call centre and had recently received a final warning about her poor attendance record. To keep her job, she tried to ignore the itch and got on with answering customers' calls.

At 11: 25 am she reported to her boss that she was suffering from severe abdominal pain and it was only when she collapsed in her own vomit that he called for an ambulance.

She was admitted to the Lincoln Hospital, Texas where doctors discovered that her vagina was greatly swollen and her labia had distended to three times normal size. Whilst cleaning the inflamed area, a tampon was found and it was sent away for analysis.

Suspecting Toxic Shock syndrome, Sarah was kept under close observation until her condition was no longer more...

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TORNIQUET: Do not apply a more...