Vegetarian Jokes / Recent Jokes

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

She was an octo-lavo vegetarian. She had to wash the carrots eight times before she ate them.

What do you call a vegetarian with diahrrea? A salad shooter.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I'm not vegetarian because I love animals, I'm vegetarian because I don't like vegetables.

I was adding milk to my coffee when a vegan colleague said, "Do you know that milk belongs to a calf?"
If it hadn't have been first day at work, I'd have replied, "Relax, I already ate that calf for lunch".

An Illinois high school senior was arrested on charges that he ejaculated into a a bottle of ranch dressing in the school cafeteria.

School officials are checking with lawyers to see if they need to change the labels on the bottles which say Newman's Own.
Police charged the student, Marco Raphael Castro, with misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct and attempted aggravated battery.

Castro was in even bigger trouble when he got home that evening and found out his mom had discovered the back issues of Vegetarian Times hidden in his dresser.