Vast Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children's right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database. The information is then used by the law enforcement arm of Mr. Claus' organization to determine which children are considered naughty or nice. It is obvious Mr. Claus has violated the children's rights, as we have alleged in our suit, because of the memos and other company information we have obtained. In addition, we believe Mr. Claus has been engaging in mind control experiments designed to prevent the free expression of beliefs."
    Among the documents presented to the courts today was a memo in which reads, in part:
    You better watch out.
    You better not cry.
    You better not pout.
    I'm telling you why.
    Santa Claus is coming to town.
    He sees more...

    A related study suggests a vast cesspool engulfs New Jersey.

    The Island of Copper Sand is a great country. It once had a government so loved by
    people, that it governed the country for 17 years until the society became a
    Dharmista Samajaya (a just society).
    The Minister for Land, Land Development and Great-Sand was a very honest person
    named "Village-Leader District-Leader". These Copper-Sandinians used to have
    very peculiar names such as "Vitory-Improver", "Love-Slave", "Treasury-Leader",
    "Inner-Muddlier" etc. etc.
    Once a minister from an African country paid an official visit to Cooper Sand. This
    minister, being the minister for Construction and Land Development in his country
    was very much interested in visiting the Great-Sand Project that consisted of
    several vast dams in various places of the island. The funds for those gigantic
    projects were provided by the Bank de Globe.
    So, obviously the Copper Sand counterpart, more...

    Ahmed was showing a foreign vistor around his country and bemoaning the lack of gratitude his countrymen showed him for his considerable achievements.
    "Look here" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at this vast and modern ship building yard", and the yards were indeed vast and modern.
    "I built this myself. I own it. But do they call me 'Ahmed the ship builder'? No! They don't!"
    "And look here" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at the modern and efficient road system we travelled on today", and the road system was indeed modern and efficient.
    "I own the company that built these roads. But do they call me 'Ahmed the road builder'? No! They don't!"
    "And look over there" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at that towering city on the horizon", and the city was indeed towering.
    "I own two thirds of those buildings. I built that city. But do they call me 'Ahmed the city builder'? No! They don't call more...

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