Vaseline Jokes / Recent Jokes

This young guy had just bought a brand new Harley Davidson and the dealer had warned him, "The last thing you want is for this baby to rust. Whenever it rains, rub some petroleum jelly over all the metal parts." and he handed him a jar of vaseline.
The guy put the vaseline in his jacket pocket and took off. A little later he was having dinner in some restaurant and successfully managed to pick up the waitress. She invited him back home and his hopes were high. On the way home she said, "We've got a strange rule in our family. The person who says the first word has to do all the dishes. Is that OK?"
He said, "OK." But when he entered the house he was floored by the dishes piled everywhere. Determined to make sure that he didn't have to do the dishes, he decided to do the girl... right in front of her parents. They didn't say a word.
A moment later he grabbed the mother. She tried to pull away, but he ripped of her dress and fucked her right on more...

A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, "I put Vaselineon it every night." That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went to bed. His partner George said, "What in the hell is that?" "It's to grow hair." he replied. "Bull shit!" said George. "If Vaseline grew hair...I'd have tail a mile long!

When a researcher called at a house, his knock was answered by a young woman with four small children running around her. He introduced himself as a representative of Cheeseborough Ponds and asked her if she would mind answering some questions.
When she replied that she didn't mind answering his questions, but had no idea who Cheeseborough Ponds was, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline. He then asked if she used Vaseline, and her reply was "Yes".
"How do you use the product?" he asked.
"We use it to assist during sexual intercourse," she replied.
Surprised by her answer, he said, "I always ask that question because everyone seems to use our product. Mind you, they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, the hinge on the gate, and things like that, but I know that the majority of them use it for sex. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Of course," more...

Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says "It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow chest hair" Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!"

A man dressed in a suit comes up to the front porch of house juggling a clipboard, some papers, and a briefcase. He knocks on the door and it's answered by a middle-aged man.

"Mornin' stranger, what can I do for ya?"

"Well sir, I represent Smith, Henry and Hamilton. We're paid by private companies to canvas thousands of consumers like yourself for feedback on their products. Today we're soliciting comments on Vaseline petroleum jelly. Would you have time to answer just a few questions?"

"I don't see how a couple of questions could hurt. Fire away, young man."

Looking down at his clipboard, the survey-taker asks, "Okay...first, you do use Vaseline, correct?".

"Yessir, for as long as I can remember."

"Great, now what exactly do you use it for?" asks the survey-taker with his pen poised over his clipboard, ready to record the answer.

"Let's more...

A young hooker uses Vaseline to get it in...an old one uses PolyGrip to keep it in.

Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says "It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says,' Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow chest hair" Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!"