Various Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
At a restaurant in New York: “Tip-ing is not a city in China. ”
Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: “Snickers, 5 for 1. 00$.(limit 4)”
On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: “Safety ladder, climb at own risk. ”
Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA “Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM! ”
Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: “Run like Anything! ”
Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) “Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends. ”
Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: “Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care
Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: “Nobody reads billboards…. But you just did: )”

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China." Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)" On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk." Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!" Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!" Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends." Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4. Eye Care Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards... But you just did :)"

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

At a restaurant in New York: "Tip-ing is not a city in China."
Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: "Snickers, 5 for 1. 00$.(limit 4)"

On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: "Safety ladder, climb at own risk."

Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA "Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!"

Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: "Run like Anything!"

Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) "Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends."

Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist: "Beware of bargains in 1. Parachutes 2. Life preservers 3. Brain surgery 4.

Eye Care
Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX: "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did: )"

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

Christmas controversies & various solutions
CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE:Live tree, planted after use
MALE:Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE:Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY:Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs
CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE:Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE:Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE:Elegant flickering candles
REALITY:Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE:Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE:Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE:Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY:Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE:Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
MALE:Six large clumps of tinsel on front of more...