Vanity Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    love's story

    Hot 2 years ago

    Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

    Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
    Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat." Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh.... Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but more...

    Sin of Vanity

    Hot 5 years ago

    Kneeling in the confessional, the girl said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
    "What is it, child?" the priest asked.
    "I have committed the sin of vanity, Father," she replied. "Numerous times a day, I gaze upon myself in the mirror and tell myself how gorgeous I am."
    The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "I have good news for you, my child. That isn't a sin... it's merely a mistake."

    Offensive License Plates

    Hot 8 years ago

    Michigan's Secretary of State is under fire for recalling a "vanity" auto license plate that was deemed offensive.
    The plate reads "4 RU486", a reference to the "French" abortion-inducing drug. Critics of the action point out that other vanity plates which could be considered offensive, such as CAL-GIRL, GSPOT, HORNY, HUMP, I124Q, JUGS and NADS, have not been recalled.
    Then there's Theresa Watt; she's had her name on her plate for 20 years: TWATT.
    A state spokeswoman said that 4 RU486 was recalled under the "illegal activity or substance" portion of the license plate law, but the critics retort that neither RU486 nor abortion is illegal. (AP)
    ... Nor is it illegal to be horny, to have a G-spot.

    Excerpt from an article by Mike Nichols of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram
    concerning the photo of a very pregnant Demi Moore on the cover of
    Vanity Fair:
    The photo... tweaks our cultural ambivalence about nudity.
    Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and
    firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report:
    "There's a naked person outside!"

    The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

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