Useless Jokes

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    Punctuation Changes!

    Hot 7 months ago

    Why English Teachers Are Important: The Words are the same. Only the punctuation changes...
    Dear Thomas,
    I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy-will you let me be yours?
    Maria
    Dear Thomas,
    I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours,
    Maria

    AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

    Q. What do you call that useless piece of skin around a pussy?
    A. A woman.

    A helicopter was flying in Seattle when suddenly an electrical malfunction disabled all electronic navigation and communication equipment.
    Due to the amount of fog, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. He spotted a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
    The pilot thanked them by smiling and waving, determined the route to SEATAC airport and landed safely. When they were finally on the ground, his co-pilot asked him how he'd done it.
    "I knew it had to be the Microsoft building, because they gave me a technically correct but utterly and completely useless answer."

    A patient was in the examination room of a famous specialist, waiting nervously for the doctor to enter.
    "Tell me, who did you see before coming to me?" the doctor asked, as soon as he entered the room.
    "My local General Practitioner," replied the patient.
    "Your GP?" scoffed the specialist. "What a total waste of time! What sort of useless advice did he give you?"
    "He told me to come and see you!" answered the patient.

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