Update Jokes

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    ZipperGate Update...

    Hot 6 years ago

    ZipperGate Update...In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering afull throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to theinvestigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerningan oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although theindependent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony, beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

    Helpdesk 3

    Hot 3 years ago

    These are stories from help desks around the country.

    At 3: 37 a. m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

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    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I more...

    Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update
    #10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters lead by Buotros Buotros Vader.
    #9 Sand People replaced by Michigan Militia members (and still walk single file to hide their numbers).
    #8 Kahn turns out to be Captain Kirk's father (whoops, that's from the Top Ten new Star Trek movie changes).
    #7 Chewbacca now giggles when you tickle his tummy.
    #6 If you look closely, storm troopers now have Microsoft employee badges.
    #5 Original Jawas: Killed by Storm Troopers for having R2 and C3P0. New Jawas: Killed for pitching yet another lame JAVA product "concept".
    #4 Obi Wan's name changed to OS/2 Kenobi. Uncle Owen now constantly says "I think he died X years ago" where X changes between 10 years before to 10 years in the future. Storm troopers now don't kill Uncle Owen but instead appoint him head of the Imperial press.
    #3 Amiga users upset because the new computers in the Death Star are PC's more...

    ZipperGate Update... In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms. Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering afull throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to theinvestigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerningan oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although theindependent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony, beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

    A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book." "How current is your copy?" he asks. "I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?" "I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet." "I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?" The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, more...

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