Umbrella Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, "Thank you, but I'm not sure I got it honestly. It started to rain the other day, and I stepped into a doorway to wait until it stopped. Then I saw a young fellow coming along with a nice large umbrella, and I thought that if he was going as far as my house, I'd ask him to share it with me. I stepped out from the doorway and said, 'Where are you going with that umbrella?' And he dropped the darned thing and ran."

If four people are standing under an umbrella and the umbrella has a hole in it, how many people are getting wet?
None. It wasn't raining!

If four people are standing under an umbrella and the umbrella has a hole in it, how many people are getting wet? None. I didn't say it was raining!

The Old Man and the Umbrella
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An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's more...

There was a young man, who was known for his lack of study and the rabbi of the congregation, was not about to let this go unnoticed. He performed his Bar Mitzvah, and rose to the occasion as best he could, with the minimal lack of preparation.
When it came time to hand out the gifts, to the young lad, he received the usual Kiddush Cup, and Bible, from the congregation.
But then the rabbi, added a special gift. He said, "You have received many gifts today, many treasures of Indiums in book form, that will enrich your life, and make it, holy, in the eyes of Hashem...and now for my own special gift to you", with that he pulled out an UMBRELLA, from behind the lecturn, and told the boy, who had become a man, in the previous half hour, "I present you this umbrella, because, I want to give you a gift that at least I know you will open."

It’s obvious
Issy and Jacob are walking down Golders Green High Street when it starts to rain, and in no time at all, it’s raining quite hard. Luckily, Issy is carrying an umbrella.
"Nu," says Jacob. "So when are you going to open the umbrella?"
"It won`t do us any good," says Issy. "It`s full of holes."
"So why then did you bring it?" replies Jacob.
"Because," Issy says with shrug, "I didn`t think it would rain."

Who Shot Ya?

Hot 6 years ago

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that more...