Typical Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Englishman, an American and a Belgian were on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg. and they all rushed to the deck in order to abandon the ship.
    The Englishman, being the typical gentlemen shouted "Women and children first !!"
    The American, being a typical American shouted "Fuck the children !!"
    And the Belgian, being a typical belgian asked "Do we have time for that...!?"

    A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet
    the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for
    you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you
    die. What is first wish?"
    The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The
    cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on
    the back. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a
    naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the
    cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man-can only
    think of one thing."
    The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
    The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his
    horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the
    horse's ear, then slaps it on the back. more...

    Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
    ------------------------
    What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
    a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
    Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
    command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
    do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
    and research papers.
    No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
    IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
    the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
    using a hex calculator. (I have more...

    >>>In Australia, this man walks into a bar one night and a visiting
    >>>drunken indian says to him:
    >>>"HE MANN, IZ INT DERE ANNEE WEMEN IN DIS
    >>>FUCK"N CUNTRY?"
    >>>
    >>>The Austrailian guy says:
    >>>"SURE MATE. WATCH THIS......"
    >>>
    >>> He walks up to a girl and says:
    >>>"TICKLE YOUR TWAT WITH A FEATHER?"
    >>>
    >>>The girl said immediately:
    >>>"WHAT????????"
    >>>
    >>>He then quickly replied:
    >>>"I SAID, TYPICAL TROPICAL WEATHER."
    >>>
    >>>He walked up to another girl and said very politely:
    >>>"TICKLE YOUR TWAT WITH A FEATHER?"
    >>>
    >>>Girl: "SURE." And the two walked out of the bar. The next evening,
    >>>the indian went back to the bar to see if he could learn some lines
    >>>to pick up women. He found the austrailian guy and asked for advice.
    >>>
    >>>He replied by saying:
    >>>"YOU GO UP TO A more...

    Canadian Joke - Hey, we love you people up north, but, I'm sorry you'd almost have to be a Canadian to appreciate this joke. (we've been told by some Canadians that this is possibly the funniest Canuck joke yet?) Go figure?
    A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar.... He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
    Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at more...

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