Tuesday Jokes / Recent Jokes
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop.
When the bus starts on its way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you".
The hippie says that he'd love to know.
So the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command her to have sex with you.
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up.
At midnight sure enough the nun showed up, while she was in the middle of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD" I have heard your prayers and I will answer them BUT. .. more...
Three Agents Of An Insurance Company Were Discussing There Companies Performance.
First Agent: Our Client Died On Monday, We Came To Know On Tuesday And Released His Insurance On Wednesday.
Second Agent: Our Client Died On Monday We Came To Know On The Same Day And We Released His Insurance On Tuesday.
Third Agent: Our Office Is On The 20th Floor Of Wtc, Our Client Was Painting The Building On The 84th Floor He Fell From There And We Gave His Insurance Cheque While He Passed Our Floor.
The following are actual postings on Church Bulletin Boards in Churches from all over the USA.
1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies more...
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"
"274" was his reply.
The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday" replies the second man.
The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?
"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
A psychiatrist in a mental hospital decided to test three patients to determine if they were well enough to be released.
He asked the first one: "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient answered: "111."
He asked the same question of the second patient and was told that the answer was "Tuesday."
He told both that they weren't healed and had to stay.
He asked the third one: "What is 3 times 3?"
The reply: "9."
"Great!!! You're cured! You can go home, but tell me how you knew the answer?"
The patient replied: "Simple. I divided 111 by Tuesday!"
Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4: 00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5: 00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his more...
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply. The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It`s your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man. The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What`s three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That`s great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Jeez, Doc, it`s pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."