Treasure Jokes / Recent Jokes

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Where do frogs keep their treasure? In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> In the Garden of Eden,
>>>>>>>>>>> As everyone knows,
>>>>>>>>>>> Lives Adam and Eve,
>>>>>>>>>>> Without any clothes.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> In this garden,
>>>>>>>>>>> Were two little leaves,
>>>>>>>>>>> One covered Adam's,
>>>>>>>>>>> One covered Eve's.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> As the story goes on,
>>>>>>>>>>> Never the less to say,
>>>>>>>>>>> The wind came along,
>>>>>>>>>>> And blew the leaves away.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> At the sight,
>>>>>>>>>>> Adam did stare,
>>>>>>>>>>> There was Eve's treasure,
>>>>>>>>>>> All covered with hair.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> And wonder came,
>>>>>>>>>>> Under Eve's eyes,
>>>>>>>>>>> As Adam's thing,
>>>>>>>>>>> Started to rise.
>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>> They found a spot,
>>>>>>>>>>> That suited them best,
>>>>>>>>>>> A nice big tree,
>>>>>>>>>>> Where they began to more...

It you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

When I was a kid, my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.

If you drop your keys into molten lava just let' em go' cause, man, they're gone.

Contrary to popular more...

> We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
> have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old
> enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated
> that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they
> are out of that stage.
>
> We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets
> his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice
> vacation, when we retire.
>
>The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If
> not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best
> to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
>
> One of my favourite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a
> long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.
>
> But there was always some obstacle in the more...

In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.
In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came,
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
Started to rise.
They found a spot,
That suited them best,
A nice big tree,
Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing,
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
Was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of more...

For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa Claus is a
real person or not. Her answer was always, "Well, you asked for the
presents, and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the full meaning
of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual device: "A software or
hardware entity which responds to commands in a manner indistinguishable
from the real device."
Mother was telling me that Santa Claus is a virtual person (simulated by
loving parents) who responds to requests from children in a manner
indistinguishable from the real saint.
Mother also taught the IF...THEN...ELSE structure, "If it's snowing, then
put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just wear your shoes."
Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction processing,
"We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load, but
we'll wash these socks out right now more...