Travel Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do. A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three day cruise. The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine's and three condoms.Next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a five day cruise. The guy said, "I'll take it," and returned to the same pharmacy, to buy two more Dramamine's and two more condoms.The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now book an eight day cruise. The guy agreed, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?"
What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...
Three scots and three englishmen are traveling by train to a football match. At the station, the three englishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three scots buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three Englanders. "Watch and you`ll see," answers one of the Scotsmen. They all board the train. The Englishmen take their respective seats but all three scotsmen cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The English saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Englishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return more...
A group of Americans was touring a market in India when Mr. Beesley noticed a local man watering his elephant. Strolling over and taking the man's picture, Beesley wondered if he had time to do some exploring on his own. Having left his watch at the hotel, he said, "I wonder, sir, if you could tell me the time?"
The Indian nodded, then reached out and took the elephant's balls in his hand, shifting them slightly.
"It's five of one," he said after a moment.
"Good God!" gasped the American. "That's incredible. Wait here, I've got to tell the others."
Rushing back to the group and telling them what he'd seen, he brought them over to the owner of the elephant and once again asked for the time. And once again the Indian reached out, cupped the elephant's balls in his hand as though weighing them, then moved them to one side and declared, "It is seven minutes past one."
One of the group members checked her watch and more...
1 Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
2 Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
3 Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
4 The rebuttal to a turn-down: Man: "Want to Dance?" Woman: "No thanks." Man: "Don't thank me, thank God because somebody asked you."
5 Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
6 Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "Female impersonator."
7 Man: "You know, I'd really love to travel to exotic places with you." Woman: (tries to ignore him) Man: "You know what? I also love sex. What do you more...
A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and estimated the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was 1 in a million, and he was not prepared to accept these odds.
One day a colleague met him at a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"
"No, I flew"
"What about your the possibiltiy of a bomb?"
Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of TWO bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So, now I bring my own bomb along!"
Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new camper. As usual, they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. Sven was just starting down a grade to go under a bridge when he slams on the brakes.Ole: Vat da heck you do dat for, Sven?Sven: Dat sign dere says "Low Bridge. No Vehicles Over Twelve Feet High." Dis here camper is t'irteen feet!Ole: Cripes almighty Sven, dere ain't no cops around. Yust hit da gas pedal and go for it!