Training Jokes / Recent Jokes

S.H.I.T (Special High)

Hot 3 years ago

Special High Intensity Training - S.H.I.T.
MEMORANDUM
TO: All Employees
FROM: Communications Services
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained though our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office in town.
If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.
All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.
If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).
If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train more...

During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you are all wrong, the army is now your home". Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say "you bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?

JOKES | MORE

Hot 2 years ago

Subject: Additional Training

It is now and always has been the policy of this Company to assure its
employees that they are well trained. Through our Special High Intensity
Training program (SHIT), we have given our employees more SHIT than any
other company in the area.

If any employee feels that he or she could advance to another position by
taking more SHIT, see your supervisor.

Our management people are specially trained to assure that you will get all
the SHIT you can handle.

Any individual who feels he or she has not received sufficient Special High
Intensity Training, tell your supervisor, she he can put you at the top of
the SHIT list.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a truck load of vibrators?
- Toys for twats.

What is red and has seven dents?
- Snow White's cherry

How can you tell Dolly Parton's more...

Potty Training

Hot 2 years ago

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean.

Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo.... I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled...."SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 20 people nearly choked to more...

College by Dave Barry

Hot 2 years ago

College by Dave Barry Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: * Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. * Things you will not need to know in later life (1, 998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to more...

"My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CIO of Dell Computers)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo more...

+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.
+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.
+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start,
The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.
0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Vantaa river (in Finland) gets a little thicker.
-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.
-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Finns start using long sleeves.
-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations.
Autumn is here.
-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Finns start drying their more...