Trading Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.

    "White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"

    "$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.

    "That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"

    "Charmin is $2.00 a roll, and no name is 50 cents a roll."

    The Indian doesn't have much money, so he opts for the no name. Within a few hours, he is back at the trading post.

    "I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."

    "Why?" asks the confused clerk.

    "Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap off an Indian."

    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
    Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
    She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the more...

    Helium was up, feathers were down.
    Paper was stationary.
    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
    Knives were up sharply.
    Cows steered into a bull market.
    Pencils lost a few points.
    Hiking equipment was trailing.
    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
    Weights were up in heavy trading.
    Light switches were off.
    Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
    Diapers remain unchanged.
    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
    The market for raisins dried up.
    Coca Cola fizzled.
    Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
    Sun peaked at midday.
    Balloon prices were inflated.
    And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
    And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
    And finally,
    the state of Maryland disappeared into a sink hole...

    Today's Stock Market Report

    Helium was up, feathers were down.
    Paper was stationary.
    Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
    Knives were up sharply.
    Cow steered into a bull market.
    Pencils lost a few points.
    Hiking equipment was trailing.
    Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
    Weights were up in heavy trading.
    Light switches were off.
    Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
    Diapers remain unchanged.
    Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
    The market for raisins dried up.
    Coca Cola fizzled.
    Caterpiller stock inched up a bit.
    Sun peaked at midday.
    Balloon prices were inflated.
    Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
    And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

    In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
    Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

    She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the more...

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