Tracks Jokes / Recent Jokes

This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears a whistle:
"Whooee da Whoee!"
He sees something coming towards him, but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit - but, only a glancing blow - and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal.
His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes to the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man:
"Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these more...

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey."
The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day."
Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first Marine said "those are deer tracks."The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks."The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two boys go out on a walk. One looks down and said, "look at those, those are deer tracks my dad told me about them."

The second boy says no those are elk tracks, my dad told me about them.

Then the first boy says, "No those are deer tracks."

The second boy says, "NO those are elk tracks."

One hour later they were run over by a train.

Two drunks were stumbling home along a pair of railway tracks.The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"

Gotta Take Care of It Now
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never
seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one
day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. Predictably,
he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some
minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one
evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a
baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an
unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees
what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you more...

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.