Tour Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Foreign Legion Captain had just been transferred to a remote desert outpost. During his orientation tour, he noticed a camel tied behind the barracks.
"Why is there a camel tied to the barracks," he asked the Sergeant who was giving him the tour.
"Well, sir," the Sergeant explained, "the men tend to get lonely sometimes since there are no women here, so we have the camel."
"Well, I suppose if it's for the men, it's all right with me," said the Captain.
A couple of months later, the Captain found he was feeling very lonely himself, so he yelled out to the Sergeant, "Bring the camel to my tent!"
The Sergeant led the camel into the Captain's tent and left. A while later, the Captain emerged, zipping up his pants and smiling.
"So, Sergeant, is that how the other men do it?" he asked.
"No, sir," the Sergeant replied, "they usually just use the camel to ride into town!"
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?" The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter." My ex-wife" replied the hunter.
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating." Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill withsemen. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and he would die instantly." "Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex." Oh my God," said the Queen, "what's happening in there?" The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
Latex Factory A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.
"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide.
"The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!
"Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the hiss, hiss is, but what's that pop every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. "It pokes a hole in every fourth condom."
"Well, that can't be good for the condom!" the man states.
"Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"
A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his more...