Tour Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Latex Factory

    Hot 1 year ago

    A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

    At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

    Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!" "Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

    Programmer dies...

    Hot 1 year ago

    A programmer died after leading a rather quit life. This guy was lucky, he got a choice between going to heaven or hell.
    So he went on a tour of heaven with St. Peter. All around him people was singing and clapping hands or just leading a mild, peacefull existence. "Mmm, this ain't bad", thought the programmer. "But what does hell look like?", he wondered.
    Satan took him on a personal tour of Hell. They went to a bar with beautiful girls who did everything you asked with a smile. You didn't have to pay for anything, and It was situeted in a tropical paradise. "Now THIS I could go for."
    The programmer chose hell. The moment he set foot there, 4 ugly demons grabbed him and carried him off to a huge fire. Everything smelled fould and diseased, and there wasn't a sign of the tropical paradise he visited on the tour. So he asked Satan about it.
    Laughing evilly, Satan replied "That was the _demo_, man."

    A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert
    outpost. On
    his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out
    back
    of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour,
    "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long
    way from
    anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we
    have the
    camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess
    it's
    all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months,
    the
    Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN
    THE
    CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the
    Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have
    vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the
    stool
    and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that more...

    A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.""What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter."My ex-wife" replied the hunter.

    On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is."Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground."What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger."Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman."They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger."Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

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