Topless Jokes

Tiger Woods appears topless on the cover of this month's Vanity Fair. Which will make a great profile picture for his Adult Friend Finder account.

Justin Turner, representing Elite & Premier Ltd, outlining his client's case for an injunction said, "The agency represents many models who are household names such as Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Cambell and Linda Evangelista. I don't know if your Lordship is familiar with these models?"
"Do I need to be?"
replied the judge.
"I don't think so," said Mr. Turner, perhaps wisely. Mr Justice Harman was perplexed by the use of the word 'topless' in discussing glamour modelling.
"It means precisely the opposite," he was told. This misuse of the word is, the judge said, is "remarkable - as if they had been cut off at the waist which is exactly what they do not mean".
"If you cut the top off, it wouldn't be very interesting - what's more they would be dead. It's clearly an abuse of language by the tabloids," he said. Peter Victor, The Independent, Friday Nov 15th 1996

What do you call a group of topless female accordian players? Ladies in Pain

The Republican National Committee spent $1,946 last month at a sex-themed Hollywood club that features topless dancers and bondage outfits. Republicans enjoyed a good meal, great entertainment, and got Tiger Woods' autograph.

It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.The penalty for jumping off a building is death. A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket. While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline. New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it. Brooklyn: Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs.Carmel: A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do more...