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The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are: 1. Doctor. 2. Dentist3. Coal man. 4. Decorator. 5. Bank manager. A Doctor says to take off your clothes. A Dentist says open wide. A Coal man asks "where do you want it, front or back?" A Decorator says "how do you like it now that it’s up?" A Bank manager says "don’t take it out you’ll lose interest"!

The "'Tis Bottle"

Hot 4 years ago

Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
bottle."
Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
million."
Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
is more...

Dear Sir

Hot 3 years ago

Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a more...

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

Hot 3 years ago

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
3. a. You can legally kill yourself
3. b. You can legally be killed
4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
Copenhagen is your capital.....
6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...

Healing

Hot 2 years ago

An elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your body that ails you, and I will heal you."
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television and the other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and the other hand on his groin.
With a frown, his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."

Ebonics Chrismas

Hot 3 years ago

'Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood, Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good.
The tube socks was hung on the window sill and we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib in the back bedroom, cuz that's how we live.
And Moms in her do-rag and me with my nine, had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.

All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by, Bumpin' phat beats cuz the system's fly.
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'' Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass!
well anyway....

I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this! She said, Stop frontin' & just mind yo' bidness.
I said, for real doe, come check dis out.

We weren't even buggin', no worries, no doubt. Cuz bumpin' an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh.

Da beats was kickin', da ride was phat I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz, more...

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...